Let me start off this post by saying I love my job as a stay-at-home mom. I am so thankful for the opportunity to stay home and watch every moment of their little lives. I thank God each and every day for allowing me this opportunity as I know how quickly children grow.
Ever since I can remember there were two things I knew I wanted to do in life. The first was to be a teacher, and the second was to be a mother. I am the youngest of seven children and from a very traditional family. We were fortunate enough to have our mom at home with us and I can’t imagine growing up any other way.
When Ryan and I learned that we were expecting our first child, Eli, there wasn’t really any question whether or not I would stay home or return to teaching. We both agreed it was important to have a parent at home, and we knew that financially we’d be okay. I could not wait to have Eli and to stay home with him. I could not wait to stay in my pjs all day if I wanted to, wake up at a decent time rather than 5 AM, run to the mall whenever I wanted, no meetings, no long commutes, exercise when I wanted, etc, etc. In all my daydreaming, I never thought how hard it would be to stay-at-home. Don’t misunderstand me, I knew very well that being a Mom was the hardest job in the world, but what possibly could be hard about staying home all day and doing whatever and whenever you want to.
Again, please don’t interpret this post as me complaining or being ungrateful. I LOVE my current job and would not have it any other way. BUT….there are things I never realized I would feel as a SAHM and thought I’d share.
- · Some days I get lonely…very lonely. I have an amazing husband, family, friends, and two beautiful sons, but during the day it is just myself with the boys. From 8 AM until 5:30-6 PM, I am the only adult in the house. I am the only one who can change dirty diapers, wipe noses, pick up toys, hand out snacks, feed meals, stop tantrums, tie shoes, say “no”, etc, etc. There isn’t anyone telling me “Great job, Sarah with that wipe up” or “Wow…you really handed that situation well!” Sure, I talk to Ryan, my mom, sisters during the day, but for the majority of my day, there is nobody to have a conversation with. (sorry Eli…I do love our talks about trucks and soccer balls!)
- · There are no breaks. Yes, the boys take a good 2-3 hour nap in the afternoon, but this is the time I use to do all the boring stuff around the house. There is always laundry to be done, dishes to be washed, floors to clean, dinner to prepare, etc. I always make time for lunch during this time and sometimes a blog post, but for the most part I do not sit down. This is partially my fault. I chose to do all of this myself. I feel that if Ryan is the one who is going out and making money everyday, the least I can do is do the dishes and fold the clothes. If I asked him to help, he would, but I try not to. After naps I’m back on duty until bed time, which can be as late as 9:00. It’s a long day!
- · I miss learning and challenging myself. Sure, raising a 2 year old is challenging, but more of a challenge with my patience rather than my mind. I miss having the challenge of teaching fractions to 20+ nine year olds or the challenge of getting ESL students to write a personal narrative. I miss learning about the latest research on best practices or figuring out how to reach a student who just doesn’t understand. I miss stretching my mind each and everyday to decide what’s the best plan to teach what’s on the agenda for the day. I even miss the dreaded drop-in observations from the principal, which kept me on my toes.
- · Some days you just don’t feel like being the mom. Very rarely, I wake up not feeling like myself and would like to call in sick. Some days I would like to use a “personal day,” but this is not an option. Some mornings I think “if I can just sleep another 30 minutes, I’ll be good to go!” But then I keep hearing “MAMA…MAMA!!” and know that I have to get up NOW.
- · There is no “clocking out!” Just because they go to sleep, doesn’t always mean they’re down for the count. Often times, there is a bad dream or tummy ache that requires middle of the night attention.
- · I can’t tell you the last time I’ve been to the mall. Children do not enjoy shopping, so those images of me running to the mall whenever I wanted to are out the window. And for that matter…it’s not really about what I want to do at all. My day revolves around what they want to do.
- · I actually miss dressing up for work. I never thought I’d say that, but I do.
There. It’s out.
There are very few days that I feel like I want to return to the ‘workforce’, but they do happen. Most days though are spent laughing with my boys and enjoying every second. I do not regret for one second that my days are all about them.
Eli and Miles make my heart melt.
They make my heart smile.
They make me proud to be their mom.