The end of the Road

My sweet baby boy, Miles, is just a few weeks from turning the big 1! (tear, tear) I thought the first year went fast with Eli, but that was nothing compared to how fast the first year has gone with Miles. It is so hard for me to even remember him as a newborn. I spent a lot of time yesterday going through his pictures from birth for his upcoming birthday bash, and I found myself holding back the tears. Miles is such a little snuggler and has the sweetest disposition. I hope that he doesn't grow out of our nightly snuggles for a while! Not sure I could take it!

Since Miles is approaching 1, my nursing days are coming to an end. I never thought that I would ever say these words, but I am. I am a little sad to be quitting breast feeding. (I know that some women go beyond 1 year, and that's great...but personally, I think 1 is the perfect age for me to wean.)

Don't get me wrong, there are many reasons I am happy to be moving on', but there are still several reasons it is a little sad! Let me sum it up like this:

Reasons to rejoice at the end of breast-feeding: 

• Wearing a normal bra
• Not having to lift up my shirt 3/4 times a day
• Saying good-bye to the pump! 
• Being able to wear any shirt/dress I want to and not having to think to myself about how I can get easy access to my chest for Miles
• Being able to get up and go running first thing in the morning (not having to pump first or feed)
• Saying good-bye to breast pads!
• When out in public, not having to scope out a place that is hidden so I can feed Miles
• Rushing back home when out (on the rare occasion) so that I can feed Miles

Reasons that I'm a bit sad at the end of breast-feeding:

• I love the bond that it has created between the two of us. I love that he knows me by my smell and knows that I provide most of his nutrition.
• I love our last feeding of the day. I take him upstairs and sit in the dark on the guest bed while he nurses. He holds onto my fingers while I gently rub his sweet head and kiss his lovable cheeks. He falls asleep in my arms and I just hold him there for several minutes before gently moving him to his crib.
• Knowing the my chest will deflate BIG time! (hello...push up bra!) 
• Burning the extra calories every day. Looks like it is time to start exercising again. Maybe I'll have to stop eating ice cream every night as well. (haha...who am I kidding?)

If you've been reading my blog since the beginning, you know my struggles I encountered at the beginning of breast feeding both my boys. I've been talking to my sister-in-law a lot lately, who has a 2 week old, and am reminded of how exhausting those beginning weeks are, both physically and mentally. As much as I love babies and being a Mom, right now I have no desire to start all over again on the breast feeding journey. When I hear her talk about the lack of sleep and latch difficulties, it makes me happy to be where I am on my breast feeding adventure. Saying that, I am a little sad to be ending the journey as it means another baby has gotten bigger and needs his Mama a little less. As the months went on, breast feeding became so easy. Miles was finished feeding within 10 minutes and we'd move on about our day. I have loved this experience with breast feeding, and do look forward to the next one whenever we decide to have baby 3. 

I will probably continue nursing Miles right up to his birthday and then start to wean him in the coming weeks. I have a lot of my milk saved in the freezer so I will use that to help in the weaning process. I hope he tolerates milk since he had some issues in the beginning months with dairy. We shall soon find out. 

If you are a new Mom reading this and having your own struggles with breast-feeding, do not give up! It is worth every second of those sleepless nights and stressful moments of figuring out why they won't latch, etc. If you need help, CALL someone! Call a lactation consultant and take your baby in so they can watch you nurse. I never thought that I would actually enjoy breast-feeding, but it ends up that I did! 

Random thoughts on nursing

After publishing my last post on my experience with breast-feeding I kept remembering things that I wanted to say. Especially for you who will be starting to breast-feed in the coming months. So here are some random thoughts:

(1) Breast-feeding is hard, especially in the first few weeks.
(2) It is time consuming. YOU are the ONLY one who can feed your baby!
(3) Your chest might get as large as your head and engorged. Buy cabbage leaves or frozen peas to help with the pain.
(4) Drink LOTS and LOTS of water!!
(5) Ask for HELP. Attend breast-feeding classes before the baby is born and find a lactation consultant that you like. Do not feel stupid calling for help!! That is what they are there for. Seriously... even though you might feel ridiculous, it is important...so call!
(6) DO NOT GIVE UP!!
(7) There will be times (usually around week 4-5) that you will be completely exhausted. You are waking up several times a night to feed your baby and sometimes they might go right back to sleep, and other times they might be wide awake. Since you are the only one that can feed your baby it is tiring and hard. There will be times where you feel as though you have done nothing else during the day but feed your baby.  This is NORMAL. It gets BETTER!!
(8) Formula fed babies do not sleep through the night any sooner than breast-fed babies. That is a MYTH.
(9) Do not believe when your Mother, Mother in-law, Grandmother, Aunt, etc tells you to feed your baby cereal to get them to sleep through the night. This is also a MYTH. (believe me.. I tried it with Miles!) :-)
(10) Breast milk is the best thing for your baby. Even if you do it for just 6 weeks. It is still better than not getting any at all!
(11) It is crucial during the first weeks to establish your supply. Breast-feeding will take you back to economic classes (if you had any.) Supply and demand. The more your baby eats, the more supply of milk your body will produce. Even if your baby might sleep longer than 5 hours straight in the first 2 weeks, do not let them! You need to establish your milk supply!!! After the first 2 weeks you don't have to worry as much, but if your baby is not eating much at night, then your supply is going to get low, and that is when problems can arise.
(12) Know what mastitis is and call your doctor immediately if you think you have it!
(13) DO NOT GIVE UP!!
(14) Once your baby has a good latch, do not be afraid to use a pacifier!! THEY ARE WONDERFUL! Babies are born to suck. So while you might think they are still eating, they are actually just using you as a pacifier. I promise that your baby will not stop nursing if you give them one. It is OKAY!
(15) If you are getting discouraged in the early weeks call someone who knows how it feels. A sister, friend, cousin, etc... Call someone who has successfully breast fed their child and can be your support.
(16) I live in tank tops. I wear them under everything so that when I do nurse all I have to do is lift up my  shirt and I'm not showing off my untoned stomach to everyone around me. Buy the ones with built in bras because you'll need the support. Buy LOTS. I sleep in them as well.
(17) Avoid tight shirts or bras, especially underwire bras. Both of these can lead to mastitis. Believe me... you do not want mastitis!
(18) Find a good nursing bra! As I just mentioned, when I am home I will just wear a tank, but when I leave the house I will put on a nursing bra. I went to our local breast feeding store and tried tons on until I found one I loved. Most cities have a store dedicated just to nursing. I know both Louisville and Lexington have one. It is a GREAT resource!!
(19) DO NOT GIVE UP!!
(20) Buy or rent a breast pump!!! You will USE it! A LOT!!
(21) It seems to be around the 6 week mark that things seem to get easier. You become more comfortable and feel a little more like you know what you're doing, and the baby knows what he/she is doing as well.  You develop a groove and everything seems to get easier.
(22) There will be times when you want to give up. Did I mention this? HANG IN THERE!! I promise you it gets easier!!! Just keep telling yourself that you are doing all of this hard work for your baby. You are providing natures best !
(23) Buy yourself a nursing cover. At first I just used a blanket to cover up when not at home, but Miles didn't really like it so I ended up buying a cover and LOVE it. I found one on sale on-line. This is where I found mine: http://www.bebeaulait.com/
(24) Breast-feeding is an incredible way to bond with your baby. Your baby will know you not only by your voice, face, and touch, but also by your smell. As soon as you are skin to skin, your baby knows exactly what is going to take place. They know they are with their mom.
(25) Breast-feeding does become enjoyable. Once you get through those first few weeks, you will begin to enjoy this time with your baby! Once he gets a few weeks older he/she will become more efficient and the sessions will not last nearly as long. It will be a time you cherish!
(26) Believe in yourself. Remember that you are not alone. Do not be afraid to ask for help so that you and your baby can get it down correctly!
(27) Try to relax! If you are nervous or stressed your baby senses that! In order for them to feel calm and relaxed, you need to be as well! If you're feeling stressed before a feeding, give the baby to your husband and do something for yourself for a few minutes and then try again when you feel more like yourself.
(28) Don't be so hard on yourself! NOBODY is perfect!! It is completely normal to feel stressed or like you just aren't good at the whole nursing thing. Give yourself a break!! Take a deep breath, you are doing great!

A great website for nursing moms:
www.kellymom.com

2nd experience with breast-feeding

As soon as I found out we were pregnant with Miles, I knew I was going to try breast-feeding again. I have always been one to do something over and over until I’m successful. My dad’s motto of “never give up” has been engraved in my brain since I could speak.

Miles birth experience much more enjoyable than Eli’s. I was still tired afterwards, but nothing like I was with Eli, and I felt 100x better! In fact, I was up out of my bed walking around not soon after I gave birth. This was a big factor I think in starting breast-feeding off on the right foot!

Miles took right to nursing and ate like a champ! One of the things I love about the hospital I gave birth at is that they have a lactation department on the floor so consultants come around and check on you quite often. The morning after I had Miles I was nursing and one of the consultants stopped by for a visit. She helped me with my latch and told me something I never knew, which was that it should never hurt when the baby is nursing. If you feel any pain whatsoever, then the baby is not latched on correctly. OH.MY.WORD!! This made total sense and she showed me how to unlatch the baby gently and re-latch so that it was comfortable. At that moment I knew that if someone had told me that with Eli, we would have had a successful experience. Oh well… you live and learn!

Those key words prevented me from having any cracking or bleeding, and I also made sure to use A LOT of Lansonah. (if you don’t have any and plan to nurse, buy some NOW!)

Nursing was still hard! This time it was challenging because I had a 19 month old at home who wanted my attention and didn’t understand why I always had this baby attached to my chest! He had to learn to entertain himself or we would read books together while I fed Miles. I’m not going to lie… he also watched t.v. some of the times (thank you Sesame Street!)

Everything was going great. Miles was gaining weight rapidly like his brother. Milk supply is not ever a problem for me. I know it’s not something to complain about, but for some reason, I have more milk than one baby would ever need. I should feel blessed and most of the times I do. Also, apparently my milk is pure butter cream as my babies gain weight like no other! When Miles was 2 weeks, he was already up to 10 lbs 6oz. (weighted 8 lbs 9 oz at birth).

We still had our issues. Miles started to spit up BIG time around 2 weeks. A few times he would projectile vomit and this scared the heck out of me. I had to kind of stop and think about what was different and realized that he was over eating. He has been an extremely efficient nurser since day 1. He would eat exactly 8 minutes on one side and I thought this was too short for him to be full. I would then feed him on the other side and this is when he would projectile.  When I stopped nursing him on both sides, he stopped with the projectile spit up. I asked his pediatrician if he was getting enough to eat in 8 minutes, and she just laughed, as obviously from his weight gain, he was getting plenty!

Around 3 weeks is when all heck broke loose. My sweet and calm baby turned into a monster. After a feeding he would just scream for 30-45 minutes. His body would go so stiff that I literally could not bend him. This went on for a week or so before I went in to the doctor thinking it was acid reflux. The doctor gave me some medicine and after a week it still wasn’t making any difference. I was about to lose my insanity. I started to even ask myself “what did I do? We had it so easy with 1!” I was exhausted and about to lose my mind from the screaming. I remember one morning when I was trying to calm him down after a feeding and he just wouldn’t stop screaming. Eli was begging for my attention as well and I just started to cry. At that moment my mom walked in to the house and rescued us. She took the baby and gave me some peace. I needed that! Sometimes you just need to ask for help, even though you think you can handle it all yourself.

After another week or so, I started to do some research online. I started to read how some babies have a sensitivity to dairy. I started to look at my diet and realized I consume A LOT of dairy on a daily basis, mainly milk. I’ve always been a huge drinker of milk and when I was pregnant with Miles I started adding Nestle Quick to it to cure my chocolate craving. I was still doing this even after he was born. I decided to give it a try, as I was willing to do anything that would save my insanity!

The same day I cut out dairy was the same day my sweet baby came back to me. I couldn’t believe it. For the last 3 weeks I had been dealing with a screaming baby whose tummy was obviously hurting and all I had to do was stop eat dairy. I was so mad that I didn’t get on the computer sooner as I lost 3 weeks in his little life. Since my babies grow so fast, I have to cherish those first few weeks while they actually seem like a newborn. I was crushed inside that I didn’t get to snuggle as much as I’d like and now he was 7/8 weeks old already.

During those weeks of frustration, I really wanted to just give up breast-feeding. I knew that Eli did fine with formula and frankly I found bottle-feeding to be pretty darn easy. Eli never liked his bottles warmed up. We just used purified water at room temperature, which suited him just fine. So it was as simple as dumping the formula in the bottle and giving it a shake. I could leave him with anyone and not have to worry about returning in 2 hours. Even when we did figure out the problem with dairy, I still had times where I thought I would just switch to formula. In fact, I remember at his 2 month check-up getting some samples from the pediatrician. I tried giving him a bottle (but still pumping just in case) and he seemed to do great, but the problem was it took him FOREVER! I thought that giving him a bottle would allow me to spend more time with Eli, who I felt like was being ignored by all the nursing going on. I was also so tired of having to lift my shirt up every 3 hours and only being able to wear certain shirts, etc. I know that sounds selfish, but it was true. I wanted to be able to wear a normal bra and not have to wonder how I was going to feed discretely if we went out as I've always been a little more on the modest side. 

The next day I tried to formula feed him again for one feeding, but after 20 minutes, and him still eating, I realized that it wasn’t saving me anytime at all. It was only taking me longer. How could I stop breast-feeding when it only took him 8 minutes total to eat? I threw away the formula and told myself that I could do it!

Miles is now almost 6 months and nursing is going great. It doesn’t take any time at all and I always have it with me! I don’t have to worry about packing a bottle for when we go out and I love the bond that we have created. When he does get upset, his mommy is the only one who can settle him down, and I have to admit that it warms my heart. I love to feel him breathing against my skin and hold his little fingers in mine. I love how he will look up and just smile away, while the milk pours out of his mouth.

I’m so happy I didn’t give up this time and kept on trying, even though at times, it was still very hard! 

Breast-feeding

Breast-feeding is one of the toughest things I have ever done. Let me start off by saying I am not one of those women who is physco about breast-feeding. You know the type…the ones who give another mom dirty looks if she thinks you’re feeding your baby formula. The one who goes around with the attitude “breast is best” and if you aren’t nursing then you are hurting your baby. Or the one who thinks her child is going to be smarter and healthier simply because she chose to nurse and you didn’t.

 I know that breast milk is the best for a baby, but I also know that a baby can be fed formula and be just as healthy! (My mom formula fed all 7 of her children and we turned out pretty darn well, if I do say so myself! My husband was also formula fed and he has his PhD, so there!)

I have had two very different experiences with nursing so I wanted to share both.

Today I will share my 1^st first experience. (I can’t figure out how to make this any shorter!)

Being a new mom, I knew that breast-feeding was a lot of work and that it was time consuming. I knew terms such as engorgement and mastitis, but I had no idea how truly HARD it was going to be in the beginning stages. Nobody tells you that your nipples might bleed, become cracked, leak milk at anytime, and can become as big as your head. Once you finally finish feeding your newborn, you might have an hour before you have to start all over again. It’s exhausting, especially when you aren’t getting a lot of sleep at night!

My sister nursed all four of her girls and my sister in-laws nursed their children as well, so it wasn’t a completely foreign concept to me. I knew that mother’s milk was the best thing for my baby and of course I wanted to do what was best. The first night in the hospital was a long one. I was so nauseated from all the drugs given for my c-section that I could not keep my eyes open. When I did open my eyes, the room was spinning so fast that I couldn’t keep up. On top of that, I had been awake for almost 24 hours straight and was beyond exhausted, both mentally and physically. That first night after I gave birth all I wanted to do was sleep, but I had a baby to feed. Because I was so tired I asked the nurse to keep Eli in the nursery and just bring him in when he needed to eat. I remember being so out of it when she brought him to me that Ryan had to hold Eli, and the nurse was holding my breast in order to feed Eli. I remember just wanting to sleep for 8 hours straight, but every 3 hours (from the time we started) I had to feed this new life.

Things started off very well for us. Eli weighed more when we left the hospital than when he was born. (which is extremely rare) The lactation consultants who work at the hospital kept telling me I looked liked I had done this before. I wasn’t nervous and seemed to know exactly what I was doing. We came home and things continued to go well until week 2.

One day, all of a sudden, Eli started to scream bloody murder every time I put him up to eat. I would try again a few minutes later, but he would do the same thing. I couldn’t figure it out and kept calling the lactation department, but only to get an answering service. I called my sister for advice, but it was hard for her to tell me over the phone. I had to pump so that he could eat and he took the bottle without any problem. I tried feeding him the next day and the same thing happened. This continued for a week until I finally broke down and just about lost it. I was so tired of pumping all day long. I felt like a cow. The nights were the hardest because I had no idea when he would wake up so I couldn’t have the milk ready. I remember Eli waking up to eat and me running into the bathroom to start pumping, while Eli was in his cradle sobbing, ready and waiting for his next meal. I remember just wanting to quit, but I told myself that I needed to go on, as it was best for Eli. I finally got a hold of the lactation specialist at the hospital, and was so upset that I broke down in the middle of the conversation and couldn’t even speak. (Thankfully she was used to working with hormonal women!) She had me come into the hospital to see what the problem was. After watching me try to nurse, she didn’t have an answer either. I had more than enough milk and had the correct position and latch down. She suggested a nipple shield and it seemed to work. He latched on and ate some. I remember on the drive home I was so excited! I was dreaming of throwing my pump out the window and never having to use it again.

That night after several more feedings I began to despise the shield. It would make this huge mess at every feeding, going all over Eli and myself. Sometimes it worked great and other times he wanted no part of it.  I went back to pumping. Around week 5, I woke up one morning feeling kind of achy and just not all that great. My breasts were hot to touch and I feared that it was mastitis. I called my doctor and he agreed that it sounded like that was it and called me in an antibiotic. A few hours later I was dripping in sweat, and felt as if I had been run over by a truck. I was still pumping which was excruciating, but it had to be done. Thankfully once I started the antibiotic, the flu-like symptoms disappeared the next day and I continued on. It was about the next week that I came to my breaking point.  I was not enjoying myself at all. I hated pumping so much! I was stressed and Eli could feel it. I wanted to feel like a normal person again.  I was tired of my breasts always in so much pain and my hormones were still raging.

Ryan was with me 100%. He just wanted me to be happy and did not have any problem with me switching to formula. Even though Eli was gaining weight like a champ, I just couldn’t do it anymore. I came to peace with the decision and started to wean him. For the next several weeks I felt so guilty about feeding formula to Eli and for giving up. I am not a quitter and just could not stop thinking that maybe I made the wrong choice.  Eli was taking the bottle and formula with no problems and was happy as can be. I became more relaxed and at peace with my decision.

When Eli was around 9 weeks, I started getting sharp abdominal pains. I thought that I was starting my period again so I didn’t think much about it. After a few days though I started losing a lot of blood when I would go to the bathroom and knew there was something wrong. I went to the doctor and she diagnosed me with having c-diff from the antibiotic I took for mastitis.  The next night though, the pain was so intense, I could no longer take it and knew there was something more serious going on. I went to the hospital that morning and was admitted for colitis for 4 days. We left Eli with my mom. Those 4 days were probably the hardest 4 days of my life. I was in excruciating pain and my hormones were still a mess. I missed my new baby so much and didn’t understand why this was happening to me. I was on a liquid diet the entire time I was there and had a colonoscopy on the last day to try to find the problem. They ruled out c-diff and thought it was either Crohn’s disease or ulcerative colitis. I was put in isolation while I was there in case it was c-diff so there was no way Eli could be brought to the hospital. I knew at this point that switching to formula was the right choice and that God had it all under control! I couldn’t imagine having to pump while I was in so much pain and how we would have gotten the milk to my mom to feed Eli. (Eli was in Louisville and we were in Lexington)

Eli is now 2 and the happiest kid around! (well…most days…he has his moments!) He has never had an ear infection and only really sick once. He knows how to count to 10, most of his ABC’s, his shapes, colors, animals, etc. He was not harmed in any way by being fed formula and is just as smart as any breast fed baby!