Breast-feeding

Breast-feeding is one of the toughest things I have ever done. Let me start off by saying I am not one of those women who is physco about breast-feeding. You know the type…the ones who give another mom dirty looks if she thinks you’re feeding your baby formula. The one who goes around with the attitude “breast is best” and if you aren’t nursing then you are hurting your baby. Or the one who thinks her child is going to be smarter and healthier simply because she chose to nurse and you didn’t.

 I know that breast milk is the best for a baby, but I also know that a baby can be fed formula and be just as healthy! (My mom formula fed all 7 of her children and we turned out pretty darn well, if I do say so myself! My husband was also formula fed and he has his PhD, so there!)

I have had two very different experiences with nursing so I wanted to share both.

Today I will share my 1^st first experience. (I can’t figure out how to make this any shorter!)

Being a new mom, I knew that breast-feeding was a lot of work and that it was time consuming. I knew terms such as engorgement and mastitis, but I had no idea how truly HARD it was going to be in the beginning stages. Nobody tells you that your nipples might bleed, become cracked, leak milk at anytime, and can become as big as your head. Once you finally finish feeding your newborn, you might have an hour before you have to start all over again. It’s exhausting, especially when you aren’t getting a lot of sleep at night!

My sister nursed all four of her girls and my sister in-laws nursed their children as well, so it wasn’t a completely foreign concept to me. I knew that mother’s milk was the best thing for my baby and of course I wanted to do what was best. The first night in the hospital was a long one. I was so nauseated from all the drugs given for my c-section that I could not keep my eyes open. When I did open my eyes, the room was spinning so fast that I couldn’t keep up. On top of that, I had been awake for almost 24 hours straight and was beyond exhausted, both mentally and physically. That first night after I gave birth all I wanted to do was sleep, but I had a baby to feed. Because I was so tired I asked the nurse to keep Eli in the nursery and just bring him in when he needed to eat. I remember being so out of it when she brought him to me that Ryan had to hold Eli, and the nurse was holding my breast in order to feed Eli. I remember just wanting to sleep for 8 hours straight, but every 3 hours (from the time we started) I had to feed this new life.

Things started off very well for us. Eli weighed more when we left the hospital than when he was born. (which is extremely rare) The lactation consultants who work at the hospital kept telling me I looked liked I had done this before. I wasn’t nervous and seemed to know exactly what I was doing. We came home and things continued to go well until week 2.

One day, all of a sudden, Eli started to scream bloody murder every time I put him up to eat. I would try again a few minutes later, but he would do the same thing. I couldn’t figure it out and kept calling the lactation department, but only to get an answering service. I called my sister for advice, but it was hard for her to tell me over the phone. I had to pump so that he could eat and he took the bottle without any problem. I tried feeding him the next day and the same thing happened. This continued for a week until I finally broke down and just about lost it. I was so tired of pumping all day long. I felt like a cow. The nights were the hardest because I had no idea when he would wake up so I couldn’t have the milk ready. I remember Eli waking up to eat and me running into the bathroom to start pumping, while Eli was in his cradle sobbing, ready and waiting for his next meal. I remember just wanting to quit, but I told myself that I needed to go on, as it was best for Eli. I finally got a hold of the lactation specialist at the hospital, and was so upset that I broke down in the middle of the conversation and couldn’t even speak. (Thankfully she was used to working with hormonal women!) She had me come into the hospital to see what the problem was. After watching me try to nurse, she didn’t have an answer either. I had more than enough milk and had the correct position and latch down. She suggested a nipple shield and it seemed to work. He latched on and ate some. I remember on the drive home I was so excited! I was dreaming of throwing my pump out the window and never having to use it again.

That night after several more feedings I began to despise the shield. It would make this huge mess at every feeding, going all over Eli and myself. Sometimes it worked great and other times he wanted no part of it.  I went back to pumping. Around week 5, I woke up one morning feeling kind of achy and just not all that great. My breasts were hot to touch and I feared that it was mastitis. I called my doctor and he agreed that it sounded like that was it and called me in an antibiotic. A few hours later I was dripping in sweat, and felt as if I had been run over by a truck. I was still pumping which was excruciating, but it had to be done. Thankfully once I started the antibiotic, the flu-like symptoms disappeared the next day and I continued on. It was about the next week that I came to my breaking point.  I was not enjoying myself at all. I hated pumping so much! I was stressed and Eli could feel it. I wanted to feel like a normal person again.  I was tired of my breasts always in so much pain and my hormones were still raging.

Ryan was with me 100%. He just wanted me to be happy and did not have any problem with me switching to formula. Even though Eli was gaining weight like a champ, I just couldn’t do it anymore. I came to peace with the decision and started to wean him. For the next several weeks I felt so guilty about feeding formula to Eli and for giving up. I am not a quitter and just could not stop thinking that maybe I made the wrong choice.  Eli was taking the bottle and formula with no problems and was happy as can be. I became more relaxed and at peace with my decision.

When Eli was around 9 weeks, I started getting sharp abdominal pains. I thought that I was starting my period again so I didn’t think much about it. After a few days though I started losing a lot of blood when I would go to the bathroom and knew there was something wrong. I went to the doctor and she diagnosed me with having c-diff from the antibiotic I took for mastitis.  The next night though, the pain was so intense, I could no longer take it and knew there was something more serious going on. I went to the hospital that morning and was admitted for colitis for 4 days. We left Eli with my mom. Those 4 days were probably the hardest 4 days of my life. I was in excruciating pain and my hormones were still a mess. I missed my new baby so much and didn’t understand why this was happening to me. I was on a liquid diet the entire time I was there and had a colonoscopy on the last day to try to find the problem. They ruled out c-diff and thought it was either Crohn’s disease or ulcerative colitis. I was put in isolation while I was there in case it was c-diff so there was no way Eli could be brought to the hospital. I knew at this point that switching to formula was the right choice and that God had it all under control! I couldn’t imagine having to pump while I was in so much pain and how we would have gotten the milk to my mom to feed Eli. (Eli was in Louisville and we were in Lexington)

Eli is now 2 and the happiest kid around! (well…most days…he has his moments!) He has never had an ear infection and only really sick once. He knows how to count to 10, most of his ABC’s, his shapes, colors, animals, etc. He was not harmed in any way by being fed formula and is just as smart as any breast fed baby!