Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Do we or don't we?

To find out the sex or not to find out, that is the question!

I have experienced both ways so I thought I’d share my feelings on both!

With our first child we did not find out the sex of the baby. My husband (Ryan) did not have an opinion either way. He was perfectly fine with us being surprised, and he was perfectly fine with us finding out. He left it up to me.

I had always known (or thought) that when we had children I wanted to be surprised. My oldest sister, Julie, was surprised with all 3 of hers and it never once bothered her not knowing during the 9 months. My other sister, Karen, who has four girls did not find out with their oldest, but did with the other 3. With both of their first births (my nieces) I remember how exciting it was being in the waiting room and not knowing. There were other families who were waiting  in the same room for their own arrival and knew the sex, and sure they were excited when the father came out to announce the baby had arrived, but they weren’t surprised. I specifically remember how emotional it was for my brother in-laws to come out to where we were sitting and saying “It’s a GIRL!” I remember jumping up and screaming along with my sister, Heather, and jumping up and down like we were 5. Todd and Jason (brother in-laws) both had tears in their eyes and were already beaming fathers. Heather and I immediately got on our cell phones and started calling family members, shouting, “It’s a GIRL!!” before the caller could even say “hello!” These are priceless memories! Sure, we were excited at all the other niece/nephews births, but the surprise element was missing.

So after talking, Ryan and I decided that we would not find out. I was excited that Ryan would have that moment for himself…to be the one to tell the family what the newest member was. I figured it was only fair, as I was getting to experience everything else about the pregnancy. I’m not going to lie. It wasn’t easy at the beginning. As the 20 week ultrasound started getting closer and the thought of knowing if we were going to have a son or daughter became more real, I started to question if we should wait or not. I had several other friends pregnant at the same time and they were finding out, so that made things harder as well. But, we stuck to our guns and at the ultrasound did not find out. (Luckilly, I mentioned to the tech that we didn’t want to know the sex, or else she would have just said it out loud!)

The next big thing with not finding out is everyone always saying, “Oh, I couldn’t do that. I’m too much of a control freak.” Well… I hate to tell them, SO AM I! You can EASILY set up an adorable nursery without knowing the gender!  You can ask my husband how much of an organized, neat freak, control freak, person I am.  I am not to the point of OCD, but I like to keep a neat, clean, and orderly house. I love to have everything in its own place and I get excited about organizing. I am also not a procrastinator in any way. I had to have the entire nursery finished before he arrived (even though we didn’t use it until month 4). It was not hard at all to complete a gender-neutral nursery!

So was I prepared for Eli’s arrival even though I didn’t know he was a boy? Yes! I was beyond prepared! I had everything we needed, including more than enough clothes to keep his little bootie warm.

Back to the birth… so if you had asked me at any point during the pregnancy what we were having I would have told you “boy!” If I were a betting person, I would have bet a lot of money on this fact! I think it was because I wanted a girl so bad that I felt like I would get the opposite.  (And I’m glad that I did, as I love my boys!)

On May 12th, Eli finally decided to make his appearance and my water broke early that morning. All during my labor, everyone was placing bets whether it was a boy or girl. It was fun to not know and the anticipation was building by the second! Even the nurses were placing bets.  Unfortunately, after 3.5 hours of pushing and 16 hours of labor, I had to have a c-section. I had never been more exhausted in my life and at this point was just ready to get the baby out so I could rest. I had almost forgotten about finding out the sex. I was so sad that I wouldn’t get to hold the baby immediately afterwards and that I’d have a longer recovery that I couldn’t stop crying, even during the surgery. Ryan was able to announce the sex and like I said, truthfully, I was not all that surprised. I was more excited that he had arrived and was healthy. Ryan was so worried about my health (as he had peaked over the curtain and saw what was on the other side) that he didn’t know whether to go with the baby or stay with me. He said that he too, was just relieved to have a healthy baby and now wanted to make sure his wife was going to be all right, that he didn’t even think about the surprise of the sex.  He was able to take Eli out into the waiting room where our families were, but they too were exhausted from being up all night and were just excited to finally see a baby! My father-in-law was beginning to think I’d never give birth!

So, was it the biggest surprise ever? No. Was I a little disappointed? Yes. But, I think if I had been able to have a vaginal birth without any complications, the surprise would have been much more enjoyable and a fun experience! Am I still glad we waited? Yes, because for the entire 9 months of the pregnancy we were always guessing and loved knowing we had such a big surprise ahead!

With our second child, we did find out. Again, Ryan was fine either way and this time around, for some reason, I just couldn’t take waiting 9 long months. Again I was pretty darn sure it was another boy and because I wanted a girl so bad, I decided I would go ahead and find out ahead.  On the day of the ultrasound we were so excited and everyone was making their guesses. It was fun to know that at only 20 weeks we were already going to know if we had a son or daughter. I guess I thought the tech would announce it in a bigger way or even alert us that she was going to tell us, but within a few seconds she just said, “if that’s what I think it is, then looks like you’re having another boy.” Again, we were just happy to have a healthy child and were just as excited to know the sex as we were on the day of the birth.

I did have fun picking out blue things for the nursery, but again, it was just as fun to do Eli’s, not knowing.

On the day of his birth, it was just as exciting as with Eli, not knowing the sex. Nothing about the day was boring just because we knew what we were having. In fact, with this birth I was going for a v-bac, so the big question was “will I be able to do it or have to have another c-section?” I was able to have a successful v-bac and loved being able to hold Miles immediately afterwards. It was an entirely different experience.

I think either way, you will be just as surprised. Knowing the sex or not knowing the sex, you are just overjoyed to have a baby! The miracle of birth, especially your own child, cannot come close to anything else you’ve ever experienced. So, whether you know if it’s a girl or boy, it is still a breathtaking experience, one you will never forget!

What about your experience? Did you find out the sex? Were you glad you waited? Share your experience below! 

3 comments:

  1. I don't regret for a second not finding out what Evelyn was! And you know that I was convinced it was a girl just like you knew Eli wold be a boy. :) Good blog, Sarah!

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  2. I found out with all four of mine. I just had to know who was growing inside me as soon as I could! I can see how it would be fun to wait, but that just wasn't my thing.

    I can relate to going through a long labor and then having a c-section. I had 21 hours with Kristopher and then started un-dilating. Very scary and I was completely worn out. Kody wouldn't leave me to take Kristopher; the doctors had to make him leave. With the other three things weren't such a big deal, but it is very hard not to hold your baby immediately. I'm so glad you got to have a v-bac and hold Miles!

    Really enjoying your blog so far - keep up the great work!

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  3. thank you sarah for starting this page...very good topics of interest!

    I found out with my first because the pregnancy was such a surprise I really didn't want anymore surprises at the time! I am really glad I did because we had the opportunity to bond with her before she had arrived. Almost like already getting to know her, calling her by name, and buying her stuff with her name on it. Although she was stubborn...she didn't want us to find out at our 21 week appt. We were blessed to have an opportunity at 27 weeks, on my birthday, to have a 3D ultrasound and that is when we found out! A great birthday present!

    Now that I am pregnant again and this one wasn't a surprise I really want to wait. I remember when my first nephew was born, Eli, and we all were guessing in the waiting room down to the last minute. It gave everyone additional excitement for the delivery! Plus, to see the joy on my brothers face when he announced the baby was a boy brings tears to my eyes still. I want my husband to have that opportunity too!

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